From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
