i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
50% drunk capacity currently
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
