That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
