One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
