At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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