I CAN MOONWALK!
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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