Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
