he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
