I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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