so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
