I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
God, I missed his penis.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
