There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
