I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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