How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
