she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
