Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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