Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
