she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize