dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Randomize
