question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
