If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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