We need to rekindle our bromance
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
