??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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