I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
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she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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