At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
