Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
