I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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