is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
