I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
