Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
