Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
