he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
