why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
