Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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