I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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