I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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