I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
