i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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