Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
