I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
