Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
