Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
