I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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