I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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