: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
