we have pet lesbian snakes
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
