I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Randomize
