OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
