i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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