i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
