Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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