She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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