I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
