I just pynch a tree in the face
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
