I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
