sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
