fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Vodka?
Forever.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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