If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
40s are totally the cure
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
