I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
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