how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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