ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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