Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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