South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
