a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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