the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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