I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
i love accidental penises.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
If I die, sorry about rent.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
