She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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