He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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