NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
