his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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