you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
