It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
