I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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