Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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