sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
