im drinking this country out of the recession.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
